Reels Book
Is this an ok way to start my book?
I have started a book, and I have already posted a few paragraphs from it, but I was wondering if this is a good way to "reel people in"?
"Have you ever passed out in public before? You wake up on the ground with people staring at you, or trying to pull you back on your feet. It’s strange, waking up. For a second, you wonder what time it is, and if you’re late for work. Then, what time did I get home last night? Then a second later, wait, did I even make it home? And then a second after that, who’s screaming my name? Then you open your eyes and you’re staring up at the sky, panicking. It’s not a pleasant experience.
But this…this was so much worse.
I didn’t wake up with people trying to help me. I didn’t wake up looking at the sun."
Some parts were in itialics, like the parts that are actually THOUGHT. It didn't come out that way on here, but hopefully someone can still give me some advice! Thanks in advance!
Avoid using too many "Then"s in your statements, it just spoils the whole flow of it.
try something like this
"Have you ever passed out in public before? You wake up just to notice that people are staring at you, or trying to pull you back on your feet. It all seems strange when you wonder what time it is, and if you’re late for work, and thats when you wonder if you had made it home last night? And then all of a sudden someone shouts for you. Then you open your eyes and you’re staring up at the sky, panicking. It’s not a pleasant experience.
But this…this was so much worse.
I didn’t wake up with people trying to help me nor looking at the sun."
Hope i helped, good luck with the book
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