Woman Posing
I caught my boyfriend posing asz a woman and having cyberse on second life. He says he just does it for laughs?
and that everybody does it. Is that true? BTW, I also found panties in his underwear drawer. He says he just wears them as a comfort thing.
He's not gay - it's more of a guy's lesbian fantasy. There are lots of guys who play girls in SL and plenty of girls who play guys. I know of one woman who is married in real life with kids, who exclusively plays guys in SL and her male avatar even got married to another girl in SL, with the other girl knowing she's really a girl.
The area where it gets odd is where a guy wants to fulfil a lesbian fantasy and decides not to tell anyone he's really a guy. It's turned out - more than once - that two girls in SL - both claiming to be lesbians - have both turned out to be guys. Too funny. The fact is that there are plenty of girls in SL who are more than willing to accommodate guys' lesbian fantasies as long as they know beforehand that the girl is being played by a guy.
Second Life is all about illusion and fantasy. Yes - some single/divorced people meet a person who becomes their real life partner (that's what happened for me), but many people who are in a real life relationship and then start having relationships with others in SL can end up taking it too seriously. In SL you can be anything or anyone you want. Because you are not actually committing to anything in the real world, SL can be a safe place to experiment with various fantasies. If it all goes wrong, you can log out or even abandon your avatar completely. Sadly, some folks don't see the line between fantasy and reality and they start to take their SL romances more seriously than their real life ones. That's when it can get dangerous.
If your bf was gay, he would be playing a male avatar and meeting gay men. There are a lot of them in SL. My SL boss (and one of my best friends) is a real life gay man. He never has to play a girl in SL to find other guys.
My suggestion is that you try and understand your guy's desire to experiment this way. Try joining him in SL and experiment together. Maybe he will be happy to create a male avatar as well. The two of you can enjoy some remarkable fantasies in SL. All women have a masculine side and all men have a feminine side. Sadly, social convention allows women to display their masculine traits, but is not so kind if a man wants to express his feminine side. In SL, guys can do that - and there really are a LOT of them doing it. It's not weird - it's just the first time a lot of guys have been able to express themselves this way.
I get the feeling that by being allowed to express his feminine aspects in SL, he may be happier with his masculine aspects in real life. The two sides get to live their own lives. You can help by encouraging him to keep them apart, but only if you share your relationship in both worlds. By this, I mean that you tell him you will join SL too, but you will be a couple there as well as in real life. Absolutely NO messing around with other people. I even know of couples who swap sexes in SL - the guy plays the girl and the girl plays the guy. In some cases, it helps couples understand each others' needs and desires in real life by role-playing the opposite gender in their SL relationships.
The girl avie and the panties both point to him being firmly heterosexual, but just having a desire to play out some fantasies. Fantasies are very normal, but he needs to be fulfilling them with you and not with others. It's very likely that he would like to live out these fantasies with you, but was afraid to ask. Well, now the cat's out of the bag, you have to make the choice. You can feel that you've been cheated on and leave him, or you can see this as an opportunity to grow together and both start to enjoy experimenting with your fantasies. I would take the latter option.
So don't get angry with him or make him feel bad. Tell him that if he wants his female avatar to have sex with another female avatar, it's going to be with you. Ask him to introduce you to the world of SL. Say that the two of you will fulfil his fantasies together, but in return, you expect him to help you fulfil yours and that may entail him having to create a male avatar as well as his female one.
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